When
Kids Become Too Cool for Their Parents
The
words above are all too familiar for many parents of preteens and
adolescents. As children approach their teen years, many
parents find it difficult to strike a balance between "letting go"
and "being there" for their children. The middle
and high school years are difficult for young people, filled with growing peer
pressure, dramatic physical changes, and an awakening need for more
independence. Research shows that parent involvement begins to decline
at the onset of the pre-teen and adolescent years; but that doesn't mean
children wouldn't still benefit from it.
Effective Parenting
Though many parents might be
surprised to realize it, research shows that they have a strong influence on their teenage children. Many parents want to be
involved, but just don’t know how. There are many things parents can do to
maintain strong involvement in their children’s lives as they approach
adolescence.
·
Keep
lines of communication open. Parents need to have regular
conversations with their teens and supply them with honest and accurate
information on the many issues teens face. Start important discussions with your
children and teens about smoking, drugs, sex, drinking even if the topics are
difficult or embarrassing. Don’t wait
for teens to come to you.
·
Set
fair and consistent rules.
Parents need to set boundaries that
help children learn that with their new independence comes responsibility. Parents and adolescents can work together to
set appropriate limits. Be sure that
young people understand the purpose behind the rules.
· Support their future. Even
if parents don’t feel
they can help with homework, parents need to demonstrate that education is
important to them and their child’s future.
It’s important to know children’s
teachers and to create a home environment that supports learning.
· Be an example. Parents
need to demonstrate appropriate behaviors. Show concern for and be involved in the
community and at school. Maintain
regularly scheduled family time to share mutual interests, such as attending
movies, concerts, sporting events, plays, or museum exhibits.
Although students may not
want parents directly involved in their classroom, there are many ways parents
can be involved in middle and high schools that lead to positive effects on
students. In order to help schools involve parents, in
1997 the National PTA created the National Standards for Parent/Family
Involvement Programs. Here are some successful program ideas school
communities have used to create comprehensive parent involvement programs.
·
Provide special transition or orientation
sessions for parents and
students entering middle and high school.
·
Establish
a family resource center at your school to share information and provide
parenting classes and other resources on adolescent development.
·
Provide training and instruction for
parents on curriculum, teaching methods, and tracking,
assessment, and placement procedures and how they effect
students.
·
Encourage parents to volunteer by adopting and sponsoring academic
programs, school clubs, or teams.
·
Invite parents and students to serve on
site-based management teams to participate in school decision-making.
·
Invite
teachers, parents, and students to work together to design and monitor
different community service
experiences.
...
Everyone Benefits
Increasing parent involvement in middle and high schools benefits everyone
parents, teachers, schools, and (whether they want to admit it) the students themselves. Understanding how young people feel about
their parents during their middle and high school years is important to
developing effective parent involvement programs.
When students have a chance
to work with adults as equals on projects, each group gains a better
understanding of the other, communications improve, and relationships flourish.
While kids will still get embarrassed
and will probably continue to say things like, "Don't talk to me, my
friends are watching," they will reap the benefits for years to come.
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